Upblog

2006-12-21T09:40:00.000-06:00

I just can't get enough of the internet cliches. They make me laugh like I am ten years old.

2006-12-21T09:37:00.000-06:00

For those of you who like my artisticness: here is a taste.

2006-10-11T12:25:00.000-05:00

Those of you that read blogs will be shocked to see my posting. Those of you who found this blog looking for "anorexic sex" should be ashamed but then again, I just made it worse.I am posting to publicize the expansion of a Bad Guy name officially. Dr. Tesla Atomicus will heretofore be known as Dr. Tesla Bachelier Atomicus-Farnsworth in all but casual conversation. To find out what the extra

2006-07-01T12:15:00.000-05:00

Hey, internet.I just wanted to say that although I try not to judge the books that I sell on the internet, and I am not necessarily judging Blade Double: L.A. Strike/Dead Zone Strike by David Robbins, the blurb on the back tempts me to judge.Let me share, and italicize that which I find judgeable.“Global nuclear war had left the earth a stinking cesspool, polluted by radioactive fallout and

2005-11-24T10:32:00.000-06:00

I believe in America as much as I believe in Pie.

2005-11-23T14:03:00.000-06:00

This is a picture that I drew.In MS Paint.

2005-11-07T19:43:00.000-06:00

McDonald's has a new commercial with a crazy lady at home eatinng one of their new McGriddle's and explaining her auditory and visual hallucinations to an invisible audience. Most people would think that this is a stupid commercial, since they would not write a commercial for their product that had a crazy hero. They would pick cool and attractive actors to eat or drink or sit on their product so

2005-11-07T08:37:00.000-06:00

I love when people use sports metaphors. Because the only sports metaphors that people really use are baseball ones. No one in my generation thinks that baseball is anything to be excited about but we still use the most exciting game of the nineteenth century to describe the twenty-first. A few years ago, we even passed laws that made sense only because of baseball. Three strikes and you're out!

2005-11-04T10:55:00.000-06:00

So I just got some junk mail recently about male enhancement pills. The sender was listed as SIZEDO ESMATTER, which seems like a name to me. I imagine that someone with this name would be a proprietor of a medium sized Mexican eatery. He would greet you at the door and say "Bienvenito to Esmatter's!" and he would be shorter than you, dark complexioned, and very cheerful and energetic. If you ate

2005-10-28T16:12:00.000-05:00

One time, about fifteen minutes after the library here in Oshkosh got computers, I was looking up some book or another at the green-screened terminals and the whole time I was there the librarian and some guy were trying to look up the book "Withering Heights." Not that Wuthering is an easy word to remember, but it is a pretty famous book.

2005-10-28T15:59:00.000-05:00

If you type "Arm fall off boy" into Google Image search, it comes up with like eight images, one of which is actually of Arm-fall-off Boy. I don't quite know what that proves.I suppose that the folks whose family pictures come up would be pretty upset, though.

2005-10-28T10:20:00.000-05:00

I think it is funny that the word "Palindrome" is not the same both backwards and forwards.

2005-09-11T21:15:00.000-05:00

Two things.first thing:I am gonna post more often because I am funny sometimes and Blogging is internet stand up for people who have crippling vomit-inducing stage fright.second thing:I just realized that the goat on the cover of Even Cowgirls Get The Blues by Tom Robbins is eating panties. Black panties, at that. I could count the number of this exact copy that I have sold but that would be

2004-12-01T13:21:00.000-06:00

So, it would appear that I am retarded. But first, an apology to those sensitive web users who will search for "retarded soup" or special olympics and find my blog first and find my use of this word offensive. Sorry. (since I am apologizing, I also want to apologize to all of you that search for "anorexic sex" and find my rant about how Pandas should go extinct instead of something more purile.

2004-06-15T19:06:00.000-05:00

Call me a racist or just simplistic but the 1990's cover of Richard Wright's Black Boy (a record of childhood and youth) looks like African American Ernie. Another observation from the secondhand book trade. Btw - awesome Madison finds for hyper cheap! (bibliomania is the gentlest of the madnesses)

2004-06-15T07:13:00.000-05:00

Dear Plinko: For a few days yet, you can sell your video game on half.com for somewhere around sixteen dollars. This is enough to buy an perfectly enjoyable ps2 classic game for fifteen or so dollars. Also you could reduce clutter and use the ps2 as a dvd. Not that your audiovisual is especially cluttered. But I seem to recall that your Oritron belongs to your brother and has a scary computer

2004-06-04T16:43:00.000-05:00

Here it is! Monty Python and the whole bag of stuff for our dumb asses. Also the best popcorn in the universe. So. We should go.

2004-05-27T14:48:00.000-05:00

Everbody who wants to criticize restaraunts around here please send me an email so I can add you to the group and you can cause trouble with me.

2004-05-16T07:22:00.000-05:00

Everybody should read the May 15th edition of probably my favorite webcomic Something Positive here because it is a future window into the future relationship of our Lord Sweetness. Except that I would not call LS cruel, really. Other than that, it's like a future window into the future. Which happens some time forward from now.

2004-05-14T14:53:00.000-05:00

So I just spilled water on my shirt which should suprise no one who has eaten in the same room with me. What might suprise you is that I can spill it in a donut shape with a dry spot in the middle. I truly am the Stainmaster. hi keeba.

2004-05-13T14:57:00.000-05:00

Another thing I like about recipes (which is to say it somewhat annoys me) is the seemingly necessary step: "serve and enjoy!" I suppose that somewhere in America once there was a family found sitting around their dining room table, all dead from starvation with the food sitting there in the serving dish and everyone just sat and stared at it wondering why they were so hungry, they followed all

2004-05-13T14:49:00.000-05:00

I am looking online for Crockpot recipes because my recent use of the crockpot has been ok. Which is to say, not great, didn't go as planned because Phil didn't exactly know what he was doing. But I do know how to spell. I know that "buttitioes" is not something that anyone would eat and that "Boverian" is not a good word to describe anything.

2004-04-20T14:52:00.000-05:00

So I thought I would blog about this. I am listing books on the half and on the back of what I think is Ernest Hemingway's last novel is this caption: "HERE AT LAST IS HEMINGWAY'S BIG ONE!" I guess that 1970 was a more innocent time. I suppose it could say: "HERE AT LAST IS PAPA'S BIG ONE!" That would be worse, somewhat.

2004-03-31T14:59:00.000-06:00

So I've decided that Semi Retarded Boy (who is several months older than me) is some sort of oracle. An oracle not in the sense that he spouts premonitions of doom from the future given to him by the gods, but an oracle like telling the future with chicken entrails or maybe tea leaves or some other random thing. I think that if we had lots of time to sit around, we could figure out some

2004-03-21T09:35:00.000-06:00

so. I was searching for a used book to find out if I could source it for super cheap, and one of my searches lead to this url. http://www.powells.com/search/DTSearch/search?kw=Demons&pokey=skeptopotamus That url contains both the previously recognized word "pokey" and the utterly new "skeptopotamus" which is one of the most stunningly brilliant words that I have ever encountered and it pains

2004-03-18T18:27:00.000-06:00

hey suckers. this http://books.fantasticfiction.co.uk/n15/n79678.htm relates to something that you all were discussing last night. also, I had a beer from Minneapolis and was not too unhappy to find that I sort of disliked it. which is sort of screwed up. but there you go.

2004-03-15T20:03:00.000-06:00

This from that lady now called Barbara Jackson "We also drank an amazing local brew called Bell's, which you should please partake of as soon as you possibly may. Very delicious." Ok. That set me off a bit. Not that TAFKAB should be held responsible for microbrewery knowledge in general and Phil's microbrewery snobbery specifcally, but Bell's is from Michigan. I think it is from Lansing but am

2004-03-15T18:46:00.000-06:00

Hey Der K! Does your store have Trampoline from Small Beer Press? Because if it does.... Sell it to me.

2004-03-10T13:43:00.000-06:00

so. Why the people at half.com would choose to feature at the top of their page, a place usually reserved for the latest hit movie dvd release, or say, an album from someone who has charted in the last decase, Tesla's new album, is beyond me. Somewhat ironically, the album is called INTO THE NOW. caps are mine. So, maybe someone in the music industry saw all of the rocking that people were

2004-02-12T06:47:00.000-06:00

Small Stories - Comics To Make Love To I'm not sure if this is a photoshop thing or what.

2004-01-31T19:05:00.000-06:00

Lindsey! That's the angel dude's name. Lindsey.

2004-01-05T14:59:00.000-06:00

I should post at least once a month. I suppose that is my average, but here is one for 2k+4. People who call in to public radio are special beings. There are two species of public radio callers, Aliens and Sleepers. Aliens call in with a passion for a subject so focused and powerful, that it could cut the moon into a beautiful and detailed rose. If their passion were a laser. Also, us

2003-11-15T06:55:00.000-06:00

Not so confidential to my Secret Santa: here is something I would like. One of my favorite authors is a Brit named Ian McDonald, and he has two books with no American editions. You could buy me a paperback from Amazon.co.uk and that would make me happy, and probably bump up against our limits for giftolas. Here are the names :Sacrifce of Fools – Ian McDonald and/or Ares Express – Ian

2003-11-06T21:33:00.000-06:00

STILL MORE RUINING THINGS RUINING THINGS FOR IRAQ AND THE SENATE Shame on you senators for not really voting. It's not as if non-incumbents really have a chance to beat you now that you passed the McCain Finegold act, is it? Anyway, here's how we should do the 87 billion. One: The Bush Administration should give us an accounting of how it is being spent. That seems fair and reasonable and

2003-10-24T17:12:00.000-05:00

MORE RUINING THINGS. ONE: NOBODY CARES WHAT YOUR CAR SAYS! First of all, we really don't care what your other car is, how fast you go from zero to bitch, what you would pee on if you were Calvin, what you'd rather be doing (especially if it's golfing), or if you are a princess, spoiled, brat, crazy, or sexy. Second, we also do not care where your honor student kid goes to school and do not

2003-10-13T12:13:00.000-05:00

ok. First a new feature called PHIL RUINS THINGS FOR EVERYBODY. or at least many people. ONE: MUFFINS ARE CAKE! Technically, if Ryan were here, he would put on his Brainy Smurf hat and glasses and say that some types of muffins are bread. That might be true if you eat a Super Ten Grain Colondozer Sugar Free Gluten Free Cruelty Free Joykiller muffin and wash it down with some organic Soy milk

2003-08-28T18:06:00.000-05:00

Kabalarian Philosophy - Merging Eastern Wisdom with Western Practicality Bebo uses the her psychic connexion to me to surf the web, because I found this website (which seems very logical and nice to me, because it makes sense that your first name would form not only your personality but also make you succeptible to some but not other medical conditions) about a day or so before she posted about

2003-08-28T17:58:00.000-05:00

Uncle Hugo's & Uncle Edgar's Bookstores My favorite sf bookstore finally has a website. Buy your books from them, unless I already have a copy to sell to you.

2003-08-17T12:22:00.000-05:00

Search for books and compare prices at isbn.nu This is a website that might be just what DerK is looking for. Maybe. At least, it is pretty good from my pov.

2003-08-07T21:30:00.000-05:00

upb is not a funding board upb is the only technology that meets the basic plc market requirements upb is a great way to meet new people and make friends upb is < 3% original upb upb is an integral part upb is a strong mathematical upb is in heavy development upb is the oldest and the largest technical university in romania upb is constructed of 300 series stainless steelupb is the result of

2003-08-07T21:19:00.000-05:00

the reverend is grouchy and misbehaves the reverend is understandably embarrassed the reverend is a member of the imperial orgy and often appears with the orgy to present his sermons of hope and love the reverend is left alone with isabelle the reverend is dense the reverend is not santa claus the reverend is climbing down his own huge lawn crucifix the reverend is a gaunt countenance under a

2003-08-07T17:42:00.000-05:00

machine is obsolete' machine is easy and anyone can do it machine is made of metal machine is a new device for machine is to augment us machine is after your contributions machine is unstopable" machine is terrible for working your arms if you're machine is not broken" machine is a device created by the reverend george machine is screwed up big time machine is ip machine is poetry machine is in

2003-08-07T17:30:00.000-05:00

Here are some of my favorites from Googlism about our friends. bebo is an outsider artist bebo is christian music's current rising star bebo is a neuroimmunologist studying the pathogenesis and immunoregulation of experimental autoimmune encephalomyelitis bebo is still just a regular guy bebo is one of the very few in the hindi film industry who has managed to stay around bebo is in the marc

2003-08-05T22:57:00.000-05:00

The guy in this story I found out about through Plinko is maybe not the one some think about. It is not the former roommate of Big Gulp. He would burst into flame if any of us thought that he was associated with the Winnebago Republican Party. This one is my sister's friend. Maybe from church. He should know better than to think that no one could be offended by the racial implications of the

2003-08-04T07:43:00.000-05:00

Ok. This post will be somewhat more coherent than the last one, but remember that when I wrote that one I had not talked to another person for at least three hours so maybe I forgot how. Anyway I just sold a somewhat obscure SF novel to some guy who works in the Sports Illustrated Building in NY NY. So I sort of feel like writing GEEKY NOVEL ENCLOSED, NOT AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY BY THE ROCK, OR THE

2003-08-01T16:24:00.000-05:00

Here are some things that I thought about. One: There are basically two kinds of Gen X'ers. The first is often the older kind, the ones closer to the end of the baby boomers. They decry Gen X laziness, often dress like the second coming of hippies, and as often as not the Beatles is their favorite band. (Which is not to say I don't like the Beatles but I think that if you weren't in your

2003-07-27T10:11:00.000-05:00

The powdery blue mary janes from Doc Martin's at Scheel's Sports were about 75 dollars American. Which I think is a pretty good price. So, fyi. Also the Giant God tree was sort of interesting and scary.

2003-07-27T01:31:00.000-05:00

All of my posts lately are about selling on Half.com. This one is too. Here is another book discription that I think is funny, although you might not agree. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues Tom Robbins (Paperback, 1976) Condition: Good • Notes: nice copy. I might just have other tom robbins around, so if you combine orders and save on shipping we will both be happy. although i suppose we will

2003-07-23T09:54:00.000-05:00

More on that last post's subject. Also on how I get to have fun, make some $$ and save people money by using Half.com to sell books. This is the order of a nice lady from Illinois. The Regulators Stephen King (Book) Hardcover, 1996 Condition: Acceptable $0.75 Gerald's Game Stephen King (Book) Hardcover, 1992 Condition: Good $0.75 Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe Fannie

2003-07-21T22:42:00.000-05:00

So, Half.ebay.com has made it easier for folks to shop my entire inventory, combine orders and save on shipping. This leads to more orders, for me, with multiple items. The most so far is six at once. Yay. The multiple orders are usually sort of homogeneous, like all SF or Mystery, even all Great American Authors. But sometimes you get an order like this: Travels With Charley John Steinbeck (

2003-07-21T18:10:00.000-05:00

Ok. New topic. Justify changing the "C" word in your business or organization so that it starts with a "K". Try. Ok, now that you came up with your reason that seems perfectly funny, logical, or profitable, let me point out that if you change more than one "C" word to a "K" word you beg comparison to those happy fellows the KKK. Don't mind if that is the case? Then you are a jerk.

2003-07-17T20:55:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I am funny when I list books on Half.com. For example: Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift (Paperback Textbook, 1960) Condition: Like New • Notes: this was a "east high school rif project book" but it looks like reading can't have been too fundamental to its owner as it is very nice and unread looking. I think that is pretty funny. Especially because I think that Gulliver's Travels

2003-07-16T14:05:00.000-05:00

Ok. I have told you all in person about the problem I have with listing Robert B. Parker novels on Half.com. He is the author of the popular Spenser novels that the now late Robert Ulrich brought to life on the tiny screen. Half.com tells me when I list just about every one of his novels that they just might be in violation of their user agreement policy because they might be guns or ammuniton.

2003-07-16T13:18:00.000-05:00

Uproarious is the kind of word that is only used on covers of books, to sell them. And they stopped using it like maybe thirty years ago, so that now if you used uproarious on a book it would sort of signal that it was a fun and nostalgic trip into the differently complicated previous decades. If you said that someone on the street was uproarious they would think that you were questioning

2003-07-12T08:17:00.000-05:00

Ok. So, sometimes I read comics online. And if those comics are big time (like FoxTrot) they have ads from say, Best Buy. And sometimes, they include products like: A D S Pyro 1394 Webcam Washing Machine. Now I understand what a Webcam is and ADS is probably the company that makes it and Pyro 1394 is the model number. I get all of that. But what is the deal with the Washing Machine part? Is

2003-06-05T07:48:00.000-05:00

There's more than one reason that Roger Ebert is my hero. One of them is that he judges movies for what they are, not against the "is-this-better-or-worse-than-Citizen-Kane" scale that some critics seem to use. Also, he is honest and never makes up crazy quotes for movies to throw in their trailers. The above link is one in which he responds to the overrated Vincent Gallo putting a curse on his

2003-06-03T07:25:00.000-05:00

Hey. I thought that I was not afraid of the internet anymore, what with it giving me money and amusement and reliable access to public radio, but this very scary link proves me wrong. I wish that there were filters for this sort of thing, but there aintent. In other news, McDonalds has a wacky new happy meal commerical set in a school cafeteria starring a bunch of highly medicated children (so

2003-05-08T07:01:00.000-05:00

Look at this. You will be glad that you did.

2003-05-06T14:52:00.000-05:00

So, today I am sick. This morning I threw up for about three minutes or so, and now it's all aftermath. My back, head and throat hurt from the spasming and the acid. I am not fishing for sympathy so much as I am stating my suprise as to how much it really hurts. I lay on the couch watching the Wayne Brady show and I thought “How do the bulemics and binge drinkers do it?” Now, I guess I know

2003-04-24T16:45:00.000-05:00

Whatever happened to Virtual Reality? Remember the Lawnmower Man, where virtual reality was just a window to another world, one more interesting and less detailed than our own? Why aren’t secret government labs creating elaborate worlds to aid in the training of workers and the entertainment of bored billionaires? Why am I not cowering in fear as madmen track my every move from their

2003-04-21T22:37:00.000-05:00

I am occasionally surprised that I don’t get more pornspam. Since I am in that 18-34 male age bracket that seems to need to see as much porn as possible, you would think that the internet would figure out that I am here and ready for naughtiness. All the internet seems to think that I need is debt reduction and another college degree. Today, though I got a spam that I thought was porn, but it

2003-04-19T12:20:00.000-05:00

Today, I had my own little Clerks/High Fidelity moment. I went into the store this morning, which I would usually not have to do, but my dad is on vacation, so someone had to fetch the mail and make out a deposit. Usually we are closed Saturdays, but if we are there, we answer the phone. So I got a call from a probably nice lady who said something like “Hello, do you have a NIV bible with a

2003-04-18T07:20:00.000-05:00

It's as if I am some sort of ninja. I am bristling with shrukien and other deadly weapons of the East. Now that I mention it, why does the East come up with all of the Martial Arts. Were we white people too busy writing poetry and building the internal combustion engine? I would like to learn the ancient, say, Belgian or Bavarian deadly arts. Come to think of it, it was because we invented

2003-03-18T18:07:00.000-06:00

I must have heard some sort of click recently. I have changed in superficial yet important ways. Let’s list a few: 1. A few years ago, you could barely force me to drink coffee. Now I drink a (small) pot every morning. 2. I like blue cheese, especially with buffalo wings. Which are not the wings of a buffalo after all. 3. Commercials for action movies no longer move me to see them.

2003-03-18T07:39:00.000-06:00

So, I was watching the Conan rerun (yay, the further meshing and watering down of the traditional Big Three Networks and the traditional TV season!) and some comedian was on (I forget which one, because it occurred to me about three weeks ago that I should write this and some details are fuzzy) who was going to do a benefit along with Conan. It was for autism, and it was called "Night of Too

2003-02-16T17:57:00.000-06:00

So, today there was supposedly a Pro-war rally in Wausau. With two hundred people. I think that Sadaam's record of killing his own people, especially the Kurds, is reason enough to invade, but you don't see me going out and making a big deal out of it all.

2003-02-11T16:34:00.000-06:00

Also, I just might start posting more. But that means that I'll probably be less funny in person.

2003-02-11T16:31:00.000-06:00

So last nite Lord Sweetness was criticizing Shirley for only posting msn conversations on his weblog, without any other biographical or editorial comments. About which he may have a point, I guess, but that really isn't what I wanted to comment upon. The thing that I wanted to say was that when Lord Sweetness said msn conversations, I thought he said MST conversations. That's only one consonant

2003-02-10T20:24:00.000-06:00

I am slack. Ok, back to ranting. What Mike Jackson needs to learn is that your level of craziness needs to be roughly equal to the quality and amount of your product. Like Whitney Houston. She is married to an abusive drug user, probably uses drugs herself, and occasionally gets on the cover of tabloids for freaking out. But, she puts out an album once in a while that people seem to like

2003-01-15T07:10:00.000-06:00

I really need to update more quickly because all of my web fans need to know more about my life such as facts like: the store is really very busy and selling lots of cards, but we have only about 1/3 of the cards we need to send and I stole a list of KJV-only churches from the web (for those of you not in the know read KJV-only as very conservative Baptist) and one in Louisiana had/has a

2002-12-28T07:56:00.000-06:00

Hey, I thought it was actually longer since my last post. Maybe today I will update with more info. Two things. I am 29 and it doesn't feel weird. Also not that any of us are important enough to get in trouble, but this article is very informative. Basically it states that a blog is the same as a newspaper or other media when you tell secrets, especially about your employer or former employer.

2002-12-05T07:28:00.000-06:00

Two Blogs in two days. It's getting to be a lot like wil wheaton.com over here. Ok. if you go Here you can find out your Wu-Tang Clan Name. Machine's is Bastard BASTARD HarbourMasta, and Mr Jones's is oddly enough, Asthmatic Enemy of God. Go figure. Btw, props to Shirley for finding this in the first place. And google for finding it in the second place.

2002-12-04T15:46:00.000-06:00

Ok. This is the wierdest review that I have ever been medium pleased to read. I think that a church could be reasonably expected to dislike scenes of violence, and no one would be too suprised if a baptist church was anti-gay, but this is a big fat pile of mixed metaphor. I like the part about the two hobbits falling in love so much that one nearly "ruins his hairdo" for the other. That kind

2002-11-27T07:12:00.000-06:00

Dear Plinko. What is the difference between utensils and gadgets? Big Gulp.

2002-11-14T07:10:00.000-06:00

I think that it's nice when pop-ups congratulate you for seeing them. I suppose that there are some people that think "Yes, I am lucky to be seeing this ad, since I just got the new corneas in just last Wendsday and they seem to be taking nicely." Or maybe "What with the cancer and all, I'm lucky just to be alive." The rest of us just think "Damn off-center pop-ups, making me right click to

2002-11-13T07:36:00.000-06:00

Dilbert, Get Fuzzy, and Fox Trot are the only comic strips published in newspapers that are worth reading. I would include The Boondocks but I think that they are computer-lettered which can look good, but never does in that strip. Also, I saw the creator on the Source or probably Essence awards accepting an award for his work highlighting African American issues. In his acceptance speech, he

2002-11-11T07:28:00.000-06:00

So, instead of stuff that happened to me, here is more blast from the past, from the grooveyard of forgotten gold or some other crap dj patter. Mr. Krause’s Report Card PETS Dogs I am afraid of dogs, but I realize that that’s my fault, and not theirs. I must say in my defense that I grew up in a neighborhood full of ravenous, huge, and cruel dogs, which did nothing for my phobia.

2002-11-10T10:07:00.000-06:00

So. I guess that instead of church today, I will post some things I wrote to post to Dummo.com (which may soon go through a rennisance which will show those old Italian guys in white silk hose a thing or two about rennisancing) a long time ago. I suppose that it is possible that some of you have already seen this, but on the other hand I don't care. Mr. Krause’s Report Card METHODS OF PAYMENT

2002-11-07T07:04:00.000-06:00

The Eighty Dollar Plan: Dear Der Kommissar, Your roomie troubles sound quite annoying. Does roomie still owe you in the hundreds of dollars? That counts for at least 5% of a vision for every $50, just so you know. I have devised a plan for you to get your way. Step One: Go to Vincent de Paul with someone with a couch carrying car (Shirley comes to mind), or buy some bungees for your own

2002-10-29T16:03:00.000-06:00

Confidential to RB: SN is not sweet on you anymore. SN has moved his unrequited affections to the cold shoulders of KR. It is sad for all involved. On other matters. I may be able to squeeze enough energy from my feeble body to begin to post again. If that deal with the devil goes through. We're waiting on the paperwork.

2002-10-01T16:58:00.000-05:00

There must be a vast conspiracy to keep me from finding out what my searchengine hits are. Every time that I look at extremetracking and click on my referrers my iexplorer crashes and performs an illegal operation. So I can't find out how close I am to the top of "nervous laughter""handcuffed" search. Not that it would take a vast conspiracy to thwart my computer skills. I probably know three

2002-09-30T20:03:00.000-05:00

Who says that hard work doesn't pay off, besides Mr. Chan? This weekend, while the rest of you were having fun, and talking to your loved ones, I was going through my internet inventory of over 1200 books. I took many (over 70) off and reduced prices on who knows how many more. The end result: I sold the oldest book in my dang inventory! (Cimmaron Rose by James Lee Burke). I also sold a nice

2002-09-29T14:31:00.000-05:00

This is what you should read if you ever wake up wanting to eat a baby. It will make you feel relatively sane.

2002-09-26T07:52:00.000-05:00

Two or possibly three thoughts. One: Will the Jackass movie be eligible for the Documentary Oscar? It will be the only documentary that 99.5% of Americans will see this year. Or even have the chance to see at their local theaters. Hmmm. makes you think don't it. Two: What is up with these macromedia flashturbation popups that occur when one goes to a major media website? They hover over the

2002-09-24T16:05:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when I am surfing the blogs, I use the links from one to get to the next. When I do this, I usually forget what you all use for mine. So I usually get to see my blog like twice or three times. Yipee.

2002-09-23T22:16:00.000-05:00

Hey. Now that Ron has a job, this suggestion is probably superfluous, but he could hang out at House of Heros and hand out the mage knight or mechwarrior beatings to those somewhat younger than he. A suggestion: Maybe we could coordinate informal Oshcon sponsored events once a quarter or so, one for the kiddies, to be hosted by House of Heros (an all-ages show), and one for grownups hosted at

2002-09-15T07:02:00.000-05:00

UNSUPRISING QUOTES "I have a tatoo of a butterfly on my ankle." Courtney Hartwell, sister at Sigma Sigma Epsilon. "Let's get out of here, this place is full of queers." John Wayne Watson, redneck and closeted homosexual. My only fear about these fake quotes that don't represent any actual people or their real lives, he disclaimed, is that someone will do a google search, or more likely a Yahoo

2002-09-12T18:02:00.000-05:00

More UNSUPRISING QUOTES "I can't decide whether to buy another ferret or get another tatoo with my tax returns." Jane "Sunflower" Brown, dirty hippie. "You know Mom, I don't really think that the other kids are just jealous of me." Marvin Smith, fat, nearsighted, and painfully self-aware 9-year-old. "I don't think that I will wash or leave the house today." S**** N******, paranoid recluse. "

2002-09-12T07:46:00.000-05:00

Here's my new feature as promised: UNSUPRISING QUOTES. (warning: all quotes are fake and not funny) "I'm thinking about using something with a horse." Richard M. Zahn, designer of the latest Dick Francis paperback book cover. "It sure is hard to find all of the latest Epic Fantasy novels without having to drive to a bigger town." Dave Greenberg, 35-year-old virgin. "I wonder what Shanny is

2002-09-07T22:05:00.000-05:00

There is a certain pest mammal that apparently google thinks that upblog is the tenth most useful site for advice on how to rid your home of it. If you were to click on that link that google gave you, you would actually see that I am calling for the extinction of panda bears.

2002-09-07T22:01:00.000-05:00

So my wife went to Ikea today. She went with Der K, Mother and incedentally Lord Sweetness. I say incedentally, because he didn't even buy a token friggin candleholder or tumbler to have something from Ikea in his house. I mean, what is he some sort of person not in Generation X or something? By the way, typing in the dark is hard. Anyway, she switched bags at end of day with Der K, which is

2002-09-03T20:33:00.000-05:00

Shawn is at my house with no shirt on. woo woo. I ran into my sisters old big sister (from the program of the same name) and she adopted a little girl from China. Her name is Grace. I suppose she might be one of those girls abandoned because of boy preference. (I would think that if you were Chineese, and had an orpahanage, you would be looking down the road twenty years and seeing three boys

2002-08-29T00:10:00.000-05:00

nothing can disprove that i am the boss of the internet, chump-o's

2002-08-29T00:07:00.000-05:00

dinosaurs attack then they assume human form of course i wake up

2002-08-24T01:41:00.000-05:00

I just realized that not all of the bad guys really know who pimp daddy is. He is our old friend, who didn't so much have trouble drinking as he had trouble drinking just a little. It was either stone sober or cock wasted for our buddy. He invented the phrase "Where's the skiszzom?, I need to flozam." He is also called Johnny Two-Smokes because he would light one and then light another before

2002-08-24T01:32:00.000-05:00

Here’s Big Gulp, Casting director doing his Hollywood Thang. Bad Guys movie cast Big Gulp = Seth Green Mr. Chan = Benecio Del Toro Shirley = Vinnie Jones Pimp Daddy = Steve Buscemi Machine = Peter Weller (tentative) Invisible Pete = At least 8 different cameos, or Hank Azaria Velveteen = Jennifer Tilly Mr. Jones = John Cusack Mrs. Jones = Joan Cusack Mother = not yet cast, but maybe

2002-08-17T17:12:00.000-05:00

When is that damn UPB gonna update his blog anyway. Here is what takes up my time right now. Small stories it is a very good webcomic by a nice young Korean american boy. It is like (for those of you with hardcore geekery) Love & Rockets (which I kept typing rickets which is different) only by just one guy instead of fifteen brothers. ok three brothers. Read it and worship him. Thanks

2002-08-07T20:04:00.000-05:00

Word. I am at the Niznelders. It is dope fresh. I haint got no more to say. out.

2002-08-04T08:34:00.000-05:00

First, thanks to everybody for doing my assignment. It shows great friendship and that I am truly, truly Boss of the Internet. Everybody’s so far was very personal and touching, which makes my original idea for this really seem lame and petty, but really, it just makes you all look deep and me look shallow, which is good for somebody, probably. Not that the Saturday Night Live of the early 90’

2002-08-01T18:06:00.000-05:00

Hey. It's not the angry story just yet, but I just want you all to know that the fella that Machine is ranting about is now the principal of the grade school where we met. He once copied a sentence that I wrote on some sort of assignment, possibly a test, onto the blackboard so that he could ridicule, or let's put it the way he would have, constructively criticize my handwriting. Which is